Peace With My Mother

2 Corinthians 1:3

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort

 

My mother was buried yesterday.  Like most who lose a parent, I was brokenhearted and sad.  But, unlike most, I was surprised at how much her death hurt me. 

My mother and I never liked each other.  For some reason, there was always conflict between us.  Although we loved each other in our own way, we were never close. 

Over the years I became closer to God and tried my best to think of her with love instead of dread.  When I would try to get close to her, she would take advantage of my “weakness” and turn it around to hurt me.  I learned to stay away from her and try to love her at a distance.

 This past year she was in an assisted living home.  As she learned to accept this new life, she realized that she depended on my husband and myself to furnish her needs.  She was no longer “in charge” and gradually became more loving and less demanding.  Our relationship began to improve. 

Last Friday was our visiting day.  She lay on her bed and I held her head and hand.  We talked some and she seemed to be fairly peaceful with me.  She had been given an oxygen tank and I had to keep putting the tube in place at her nose.  She wanted to move it a lot, but seemed OK with me putting it back.  It was a good visit. 

The next day we were called early in the morning and told that she had been rushed to the hospital.  As we watched her being hooked up to all kinds of things, my only prayer was that God would take her quickly because it was so hard to watch her suffer. 

Being the merciful God that He is, she died that night. 

This is a roundabout way of saying that when she died, instead of being relieved to be rid of her, I was relieved that she was not suffering.  Mother and I had allowed God to ease our tension with each other and finally become Mother and Daughter.  It took a long time, but the times with her became precious instead of forced. 

I am so thankful that I can say that my heart aches for her.  I am so thankful that I do not have regrets that we never learned to love each other.  I am so thankful that God did not give up on us and let us have these moments. 

Thank You Father for your patience with all of us to bring us to the place we need to be.  Praise Your Holy Name.